Fear
It is a strange paradox that fear, a survival
sense, can be a handicap. Often we feel frightened in situations
where it is totally unjustified. It puts limits on what we can
do and be; it forms a barrier to our growth. The situation I
have in mind is meeting new people - at a new school, university
or job. Why do we feel frightened? The unknown. We fear being
judged or labelled and are affected by what we believe others
think of us. We also fear loneliness because it makes us feel
vulnerable. The best way to transcend fear is by learning our
own worth. Even when fears are justified, it is much less frightening
when you value yourself.
Katherine Roucoux, UK
Someone in America said to me, 'Whatever you
fear, draw near. It will probably disappear.' The pain and violence
in Los Angeles did not disappear. But wherever I've been, I know
the moment I walk through my fear, a love for people comes as
a gift which grows. What happens when you are confronted by someone's
anger, blame or hatred? Fear is my first response. Then comes
a surge of self-righteousness, as a defence. I have learnt that
self-righteousness is the other side of hate - saying the problem
is with someone else. These two attitudes feed on each other,
and cause deep wounds. Kim Beazley, for many years a respected
politician in Australia, told me that after 30 years in Politics
he was convinced, 'the key to social advance is the question of
motive'. In other words, the right policies only work as fear,
ambition and hatred are faced and replaced with compassion, love
of justice and integrity.
Mike Brown, Australia
Fear breeds judgment. So before you judge,
think. With every person you meet or situation you come across,
say to yourself: 'This thought of mine is not revealing the full
reality'. If it was, you would be able to let it go. We hold
onto prejudices. Einstein said, 'It is easier to split an atom
than a prejudice...' We need to realise just how different everyone's
reality is. Until we stop and really listen to people,
we cannot assess, judge or act on what we perceive to be
right - for it may not be.
Elspeth Herring, Australia
Yupp! We can run but we can't hide. The
big scary monsters under the bed may have changed but they are
still there. Everyone has secret fears...of growing old, of spiders,
of going to see the dentist, of being forced to conform, of never
being truly loved. Fear is one of the fundamental emotions. It
sends the adrenalin whizzing through our veins and awakens the
instinct for survival. Humans and Apes alike react the same way:
we run, fight or freeze. Fear can debilitate or it can invigorate
and enliven. At the centre of our fear lies pain. The prospect
of physical, emotional and spiritual pain fills us with dread.
So we try to avoid the risk of pain. Virtually all our
unhappy relationships are dominated by fear. We are afraid the
other will place emotional demands on us we can't fulfil. In
our fear-ridden state we fail to make an important distinction
between being hurt and being damaged. Life is difficult and pain
is unavoidable. In fact, getting hurt and being healed teaches
us the lessons of life. When we are damaged, the healing process
takes longer and we are left with permanent scars. When fear
discourages us from taking the risk of being damaged, it provides
us with protection. But if it discourages us from taking the
risk of being hurt then it is suffocating and restrictive. Knowing
the difference is something we all have to learn! Unless we are
prepared to face the reality of pain, we will never learn the
joy of vulnerability. To be vulnerable is not to be weak or passive.
It is to walk with an open heart and to love even though we may
be hurt. It is to take risks for the joy of living. It is to
always be afraid, but never controlled by fear.
Janet Gunning, New Zealand/UK
'I forgot.' Remember how your parents could
not understand how you forgot such a simple task? If you are
like me, you make excuses. We fear expectations. The larger
the expectation, the larger the fear. With a large task, like
a romantic dinner, there is a high expectation and a large fear
of disappointment. We fear the expectations of our family, friends
and society. The irony is, we place the same expectations on
others. Why?
Paul Shrowder, Australia
Fear is something I first learnt about at
school and then as a result of three crashes as a pilot during
the war. Strangely it was the school experience that had the
most effect. Driven by fear, I bought my way out of a fight with
the school bully. Recently I have faced a fresh test as a result
of being clinically dead for 16 seconds. I was convinced God
had saved my life during the war and that yet again He had helped
me survive a heart attack and surgery. But I felt anew the need
to seek freedom from fear. The release from fear and the turning
to faith seems to be a decision we need to make and remake 'from
the cradle to the grave.'
Jim Coulter, Australia
Four years ago, an East European friend said:
'You may have high ideals but are you prepared to put your career
on the line for them?' That gave me a jolt. Fresh from University
I had high-paying career options in front of me. I felt strongly
about my beliefs but was I prepared to set aside my ambitions?
Immediately fear struck - with good arguments. 'Get real, there
is no money in idealism. You'll become dependent on others and
alienate your family and friends. What do you imagine you'll
achieve?' For weeks I was stuck. Moving forwards meant flying
in the face of fear, moving backwards felt like defeat. My parents
and friends thought I had lost all common s by not pursuing my
career. When they asked me what I was g with my life, I would
seize up. At the core of my fear was the urge for security -
both financial and social. With this understanding, I decided
to trust my inner sense. In that moment of freedom, I saw exactly
what I felt God wanted of me - voluntary work in areas of conflict.
Straight away the fears got on top of me again. But now it was
clear that I had a choice: faith or fear. Fears would always
be part of me, but I didn't have to let them run my life. In
fact, they could be turned into stimulating guides, showing me
possible pitfalls and sharpening my senses. Today, I am still
following an unorthodox career path, still living with financial
insecurity, still battling fear but above all still trying to
be true to my beliefs and ideals.
Jeroen Gunning, The Netherlands/England
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